There’s a story playing out in your life every day.
It speaks in card swipes. In Amazon boxes. In Venmo requests. In that quiet panic at the grocery store when the total climbs higher than expected.
It’s not loud.
It doesn’t shout.
But it’s persistent.
It says:
“You deserve this.”
“You’re behind.”
“You’ll never have enough.”
“Don’t look at the numbers.”
“This little splurge won’t matter.”
“You have to hold on to every dollar or it’ll vanish.”
You think it’s just money.
But really—it’s memory. Emotion. Habit. Pain. Hope.
It’s a story you’ve absorbed about who you are, what you’re worth, and what safety means.
The question is:
Are you aware of the story your money is telling you? Or is it running the show behind the curtain?
Money Is Emotional, Not Just Math
If money were just math, most of us would be rich.
Spend less than you earn. Invest the rest. Easy.
But it’s not just math.
It’s identity. Family history. Fear. Inherited beliefs. Emotional survival.
Your relationship with money is often a reflection of what helped you feel safe—or in control—when you weren’t.
This is where Schema Therapy intersects with personal finance.
Schemas are the core emotional patterns we form early in life—beliefs like:
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“I am not enough.”
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“The world is unsafe.”
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“My needs don’t matter.”
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“If I have money, I’ll lose love.”
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“If I don’t have money, I won’t be respected.”
When these beliefs live unexamined, they show up in your money behavior—on payday, in checkout carts, in budgeting apps you never open.
Common Money Behaviors and the Stories Beneath Them
Let’s decode some of the most common money patterns—not to shame them, but to understand them.
Because once you see the story, you can choose to rewrite it.
💸 1. Overspending on Others
Behavior: You always pick up the tab. You give generously, even when you can’t afford to. You say yes to every event, gift, or donation.
Possible Story:
“To be loved, I have to give.”
“If I don’t offer, I won’t belong.”
“Saying no makes me selfish.”
This often stems from subjugation or self-sacrifice schemas—learned early in environments where your worth was tied to giving, not receiving.
❄️ 2. Freezing or Avoiding Finances
Behavior: You don’t check your bank account. You delay opening bills. You avoid budgeting. Money talk makes you shut down.
Possible Story:
“Money always means conflict.”
“I’m not smart enough to manage this.”
“It’s safer not to know.”
This can stem from emotional deprivation or defectiveness schemas—when money was a source of shame or confusion growing up.
🛒 3. Impulse Shopping for Emotional Relief
Behavior: You buy when you’re stressed, sad, or bored. It’s soothing. But the guilt always follows.
Possible Story:
“Buying something is the only way I feel good.”
“I deserve a treat because life is hard.”
“I can’t control anything else, but I can control this moment.”
This often reflects insufficient soothing strategies—where no one taught you how to regulate emotions in healthy ways.
🧱 4. Over-Saving and Hyper-Control
Behavior: You hoard money. You fear spending—even on things you need. You track every cent obsessively.
Possible Story:
“If I spend, something bad will happen.”
“I’m only safe if I’m in control.”
“No one will help me if I fail.”
This can stem from mistrust, vulnerability to harm, or emotional neglect schemas—especially if money was unpredictable or scarce in your upbringing.
Rewriting the Money Story Starts with Listening
Here’s the thing:
Your money behaviors are not irrational.
They’re protective. Adaptive. Emotional.
They’re the best tools your nervous system had at the time.
The goal isn’t to judge them.
The goal is to make them conscious—so you can choose better tools now.
What protected you once doesn’t have to run you forever.
Three Gentle Steps to Start Rewriting
No spreadsheets today. No strict budgets. Just curiosity and care.
✍️ 1. Track with Emotion, Not Just Dollars
For one week, every time you spend (or avoid spending), write down:
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What did I buy (or not buy)?
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How did I feel before?
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What did I hope this would fix or fulfill?
Pattern will emerge. That’s where your story lives.
🎧 2. Name Your Money Voice
Give your inner money story a name or character.
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Is it “Worried Grandma”?
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“Fearful Accountant”?
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“Rebellious Teenager”?
Externalizing the voice helps you talk with it—not from it.
🧠 3. Write a New Affirmation Based on Truth, Not Fear
For example:
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Old story: “If I save, I’ll never get to enjoy life.”
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New one: “Every dollar I save gives me future freedom and space to enjoy life later.”
Speak it. Post it. Believe it, slowly.
Closing Thought: Money as a Mirror
Your money isn’t just a tool. It’s a mirror.
It reflects how safe you feel.
How worthy you believe you are.
How much control you think you need to feel okay.
But mirrors don’t judge. They reveal.
And when you look long enough—with kindness, not shame—you begin to see where the old stories are holding you back from your real power.
So ask your money:
“What are you trying to tell me?”
And then…listen.
Gently. Honestly. Without rushing to fix.
Because before we change our money,
we must first let it speak.
With clarity and compassion,
Sal Kaya
Grow slow. Think deep. Move smart.
